


Out of Love

by plaidshirtjimkirk



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M, Our boys got promoted yEAHHH!!!, Toshisami, konhiji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26328586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plaidshirtjimkirk/pseuds/plaidshirtjimkirk
Summary: Kondo has been promoted to hatamoto status, and the Shinsengumi members are at last recognized as true samurai by the Tokugawa regime. Such impossible achievements didn't come easy, but Hijikata isn't worried about that at all.This story was heavily influenced by the Shinsengumi! Taiga drama.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshizou/Kondou Isami (Hakuouki)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	Out of Love

**.*Out of Love*.**

A warm breeze of triumph whispered through trees dusted in pink, their delicate petals pulled from dainty branches and sent on a downward drift to meticulously maintained castle grounds. The shoji had been open since morning, inviting the height of spring into a great room of golden tatami and elegant decoration befitting the Aizu lord—who sat proud and tall before two loyal servants bowing their heads in his grace.

“Kondo.” The Shinsengumi Commander’s chin lifted at the sound of his name, finding the genial smile that pulled at Matsudaira’s lips as he nodded. “Open it.”

“ _Ha_.” Reaching for the pearly scroll which rested in formal presentation in front of him, Kondo carefully unfurled a message written in sweeping ornate penmanship, and the deep breath which followed was all he could manage to keep his composure.

“His Highness Tokugawa recognizes your irreplaceable devotion to his great cause, Kondo.”

Slowly, Kondo’s eyes rose from the parchment he now gripped tightly, his heart beginning to pound the ribcage enclosing it. The scroll was neatly returned to its original rolled state, and he bowed his head deeply while blinking back the emotion threatening to swallow him whole. “I humbly express my sincerest gratitude for this undeserved recognition. There is no greater honor than serving the Gokogi.”

Matsudaira’s gaze was soft and pleasant as he regarded Kondo, and behind him Hijikata, each with their foreheads remaining lowered. “You have done well.”

~

The outer castle corridors were comprised of dark fragrant wood, forever polished by the frequency in which they saw cleaning. Socked feet glided fast along the smooth floors, until Kondo suddenly stopped and turned to the sprawling stretch of plant life and silver rock that extended far to high ivory walls. Following suit, Hijikata joined him in this pause, and both remained side-by-side in a fragile state of silence. The brimming excitement practically begged to be voiced, else each risked the heart detonating in his chest. Alas, the setting didn’t match, and all that could be done was attempt swallowing the visceral desires to scream joy into the heavens and flail about like they were back in Tama.

Water trickled in the distance, filling a bamboo pipe until it upended and tapped a stone with a single stark clank. Invited by this break in quietude, Hijikata pushed his chest out with a deep breath and ventured one word. “Kyokucho.”

Kondo’s gaze drifted to him, their eyes meeting and conveying more than spoken language ever could in this perfect moment of long-sought victory. He exhaled in an overly controlled manner and tipped his head. “Fukucho.”

“…We did it.”

Kondo squared his shoulders and peered back out to the cascading foliage. “…Yes.”

“We’re finally samurai…” A pause, the emotion welling. “In spirit _and_ in name.”

A large hand raised to press to the parchment secured in ceremonial kimono confines. “ _Yes_.” It wasn’t long before Kondo turned his head, the exhilaration that had been coursing through his veins like wildfire reaching a critical point where drowning it even a second further was insufferable. “ _Toshi_.”

Hijikata’s grin widened at his name, his lashes parting a little more. And that was all it took.

Breath expelled from Kondo’s lungs as they simultaneously lunged forward in the privacy of this stretch of porch, their arms thrown about each other in a tight embrace, while each man’s jubilant laughter fell muted against his companion’s haori-clad shoulder.

“ _Kat-chan_!” Open palms pressed tightly to his back, fingertips flexing inward with possession.

Kondo withdrew only far enough to take Hijikata’s biceps firm in his grasp and, the perfect portrait of absolute bliss, gave his second in command a stiff shake. “Toshi, we did it!”

Hijikata wore his own elation just as openly, his gaze prideful and vehement when a tremble shook his body. He leaned his forehead in, his teeth clenching and through them, he grated out, “ _Samurai_!”

“Let’s get back. We’ll—” Kondo’s features somehow brightened even further and his spine straightened in sudden consideration. “We’ll have a big dinner tonight, no cost spared. Ne?”

With his lashes falling, Hijikata huffed a laugh. If this were any other time, he might suggest restraint; despite that the treasury certainly had the money for an extensive celebration, they were both country men with roots deep in frugality and had arrived in Kyoto possessing little more than the swords on their hips. But here they stood now, samurai—true, Tokugawa-recognized samurai!—openly embracing on Matsudaira-ko’s property with nothing other than auspicious days ahead. Kondo’s influence would only increase, the wealth would flow in faster, and the Shinsengumi’s fame would ripple resoundingly over a land deeply divided.

His eyes opened and all he could do was dip his chin in agreement to dinner—extravagant, yes, but more than deserved. “Mm.”

Kondo held to Hijikata’s arms for a little longer before he at last nodded again in return, wide eyes and grin never fading. “Toshi! Let’s get going!”

As they quickly made their way out of the castle presented to Matsudaira by Tokugawa’s own graces, Hijikata never thought he’d see a happier day in his life. Once on the road, he peered back at the impressive structure for a moment of reflection as petals fell lazily in the wind, his thoughts taking him back to a time when meeting with the Aizu lord was nothing but a distant dream. Eyes closing, a tiny satisfied smile gracing him.

"Toshi."

"Aa." His lashes parted again to find Kondo, the most central and important piece of everything. Hijikata's gaze softened further. "Coming."

~

Sake flowed like rivers and the platters of food seemed endless over joyous celebration in the ranks. Harada’s stomach was painted, his failed seppuku scar a perfect mouth for the ridiculous face Nagakura had drawn, and he belly-danced while soldiers laughed, eating and drinking their fill late into the night.

Far away from the drunken singing and raucous, Kondo sat on the porch before his room with Hijikata at his side, a large near-empty bottle sitting behind them on a circular tray.

Pink flush had long made its way across Hijikata’s cheeks, and from the way he was feeling, Kondo wagered his own didn’t look much different. He pressed the sakazuke cup to his mouth and tilted his head back with a gulp, then exhaled loudly.

“Mm, Kat-chan.” Not missing a beat, Hijikata reached for the sake and held it out. “Here.”

The throaty laugh that left Kondo was accompanied by raising his cup yet again. “Tryin’ to get me drunk, Toshi?”

A snort followed and Hijikata’s voice was airy. “Reminder that this was _your_ idea.” The purr that followed emanated deep from within his chest. “…Kyokucho.” He tilted the bottle until the last drop poured out, and set it back down out of the way.

“Right.” Kondo’s chin raised and he swallowed it all in one go, owning up to the responsibility.

“ _’Taku_ …” Though it was a complaint, Hijikata wore a grin. He sipped from his cup and let his lashes fall as insects sang in the garden and fireflies sparkled amongst moonlit leaves.

Kondo’s lips pulled into a soft smile as well and he treated himself to a deep inhale through his nose. The nights were growing warmer, similar to how the future had been becoming more and more bright while days passed and seasons changed. They’d made it through a long and grueling winter, scraping by for every bit of respect and renown to be earned here in the west. Then came a cool spring that turned warm with the Ikedaya incident, and finally, the verge of a scorching summer loomed, in which gold would rain down instead of sunlight.

To be sitting on the porch of Nishi Honganji at this time with a plethora of trust and wealth encompassing them, with weight to their names and sanctified status as _real_ samurai… Kondo breathed out into the clear night and let his spine relax. It was the furthest cry from the ages he’d spent at his childhood home in Kamiishihara, listening to the stories his father told of Kanko and other great heroes who had gone out to do the unbelievable. How he’d wanted to be like them, and how he’d _dreamed_.

But farmers becoming samurai were just as remarkable, weren’t they? And the Shinsengumi, itself… A group marred by disorganization in its early days and looked down the nose by everyone around them, growing into a force this powerful was simply unheard of in these times. Transcending classes was an absurd notion. Commoners didn’t pull weight. Men of the land didn’t have the ear of Matsudaira-ko, or the recognition of the Tokugawa regime. Yet, Kondo did and the group of men he led commanded respect and recognition.

How could any of this possibly be real?

He already knew the answer without searching... _had_ known it for the longest time.

Kondo found Hijikata at that, watching while his second in command rocked gently in place with his eyes still closed, a small grin still worn across his features.

“Toshi…” he whispered.

“Ain’t gonna be long now,” Hijikata sighed out, the corners of his lips twitching a little further into his cheeks. One set of lashes parted and he peered over. “First, a hatamoto. Next, a daimyo. Soon.”

“Toshi…it’s enough.”

“Hey.” The soft and breathy voice turned serious, and Hijikata looked at him pointedly. “I promised you _daimyo_ status, Kat-chan.” His palm hit the porch to drive his sincerity home. “We’re not stopping at you being a hatamoto. Don’t even start.”

Kondo’s hand raised and he pressed fingertips to Hijikata’s mouth. Once he quieted, it moved to cup his cheek, the thumb grazing gently across and he barely squinted. “But at what cost?”

The shoulders of his vice commander inched up into a dismissive shrug. “Anything at all.” He shook his head then. “ _Whatever_ it takes, Kat-chan, whatever the cost.” Signaling the end of the discussion, Hijikata finished his sake and placed his cup on the tray.

Whatever it took, whatever the cost…? The burdens of Serizawa, the weight of command… the five tenets and enforcing them, even if it meant seppuku—even if it meant shouldering all of the blame and resentment… The hard decisions, the dedication, the forcing of his hand with torture and threats, the hours upon _hours_ of work… All this, just to be satisfied with existing in someone else’s shadow…

Hijikata picked up on the silent thoughtfulness and his brow furrowed. “What—?”

That question he’d started was interrupted by Kondo’s lips meeting his softly, palms rising to cup his cheeks. The kiss deepened and their tongues met as Hijikata grabbed hold of him, and then by either no one’s or everyone’s fault, both tumbled to the porch floor.

Kondo’s face hit gently against Hijikata’s chest on the impact, his arms immediately wrapping around his middle in a tight embrace. The hands that had landed on his shoulder linked fingers behind his neck and ran up and down in short stroking motions.

“Toshi…” An exhale. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

With his eyes closing, Kondo exhaled. Of course that would be the reply, when he felt he could never express the gratitude he felt enough. “For everything.”

Hijikata’s voice rumbled softly over the steady thumping of his heartbeat. “There’s nothing—” A hiccup. “ _Nothing_ to thank me for, Kat-chan.”

Kondo shook his head against the purple-clad breast and braced against the porch, pushing himself up and then forward so that his nose nearly touched Hijikata’s. He stroked a burning cheek, wound a finger through a long black lock…and simply relented. His vice commander couldn’t be reasoned with on this subject when he was sober, and now that he had sake in him—now that they _both_ did…

“We’ll keep going, Toshi,” Kondo murmured, his lashes falling halfway as he gazed into amethyst eyes rife with reverence. He was certain his own were but mirrors. “All the way.” Their noses touched in a brief nuzzle. “As long as you’re with me.”

Hijikata’s head tilted as though that last statement had been perplexing, the hair from his ponytail splaying out beneath him. His fingers crept up to touch Kondo’s face and he paused before whispering his response. “Always.”

Their lips met again, their hands entwining tightly. He may have been in a relatively dazed state from the sake, but Kondo knew then—as he always had—that the responsibility was his own to stop Hijikata from destroying himself all for his sake. It was said that the bond between samurai ran deeper than the ocean and further than the sky. As he pressed kisses to the samurai _he_ shared such a bond with, to his jaw and then down his neck, Kondo silently promised it was a mutual vow, that his love was just as fathomless and his devotion equally as fervent.

One day, he’d fulfill these debts that had accumulated on his soul. At some time, he would be able to give to Hijikata as much as he’d received, and reciprocate as much as what had been sacrificed, only for him.

But for right now…

When Kondo felt hands pulling at his garments, he stood slowly and helped Hijikata to his feet. They both stumbled the few steps to his room, and the shoji clapped shut.

All Kondo could do at this moment was settle to give Hijikata everything he wanted, and anything he would possibly take. And he would give it to him freely, all out of love: tonight, tomorrow, next year, and on—for as long as he was able, for as much as he could.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks for reading! <3


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